umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
