I faked an abortion last night.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
