If i could tip my vagina, i would.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
