I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
