Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize