break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
