you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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