ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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