you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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