mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
