His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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