It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
