Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
