worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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