I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
