i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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