laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
