what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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