yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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