just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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