my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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