So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
