im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
