I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
