I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
