I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
