it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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