So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Randomize
