I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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