Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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