Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
