pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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