so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
