I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Let's get the cat blown out
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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