i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
