Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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