She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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