I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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