Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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