fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
