There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
