oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize