I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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