i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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