did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
