dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
