Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
