omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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