i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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