Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
